Buxtehude Project: Membra Jesu Nostri - Ad Cor (to the Heart) in process
Sometimes it is so hard to take the first steps. Performance anxiety I guess. You don’t think of a visual artist having that kind of problem. But the day I started painting #5 out of seven, I found it very difficult to make that first brushstroke. Within the blue taped box this time, is the human heart, the wounded heart. I had really taken a good amount of time to think this one through, to plan the execution of colors...where they’d go and in what order. I had it all planned out, so why did that big piece of white gessobord seem so intimidating? I think it was the expectations connected to it. My expectations. My perception of others’ expectations. The pressure to make these seven paintings hang together as a series (see previous posts to catch up on what this project is.) Measuring up to expectations can be paralyzing. And what good does that really do? No good. I had to let go of whether this painting would come together in time to finish the last two in two weeks. Sometimes deadlines really work well for me. It pushes me to perform. But I am discovering that when the parameters are too tight, that’s not so good. What could I do but dive in? I was at the end of the diving board, with a big line of people waiting behind me. It's just better to take those steps and jump in. The water's not too bad.